I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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