and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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