she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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