I understand why you refuse to be sober now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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