This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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