btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
