not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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