what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
