I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As shirtless as possible
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
