I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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