My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
