I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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