i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
