no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
