So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
