yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
