i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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