I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
