I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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