wrigley field is MILF paradise
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
