is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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