Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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