when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Im part way to drunk.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize