Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Soap is not a condiment
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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