For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sext me about skeletons
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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