I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
