I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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