where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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