Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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