In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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