I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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