This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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