I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
