He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
