She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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