"it" just moved
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
