Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
