you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
