Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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