he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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