We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
