I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
