so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Drunk is not a location!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
