Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize