So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize