I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize