that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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