bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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