I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How's work?
Spinning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
