you traded sex for a burrito?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
