I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
