I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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