You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I supernannyed him into submission
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize