I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
