The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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