I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
