whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
