Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
