I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm like, not good at living.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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