I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
