So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
