just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
