What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
