I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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