Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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