I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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