btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
