i can't believe i had my finger in that
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize