the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
