Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize