The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
