Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
