he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize