you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
