So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Farmville is her only friend.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
