i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We were destined to go to rehab together
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Enjoy the penises
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
