Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
