we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
