Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
