I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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