The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
