tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
