Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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