So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
