"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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