ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
