You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
