**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
