is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
