Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
