Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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