I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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