apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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